spirituality
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Making sense of my own heart… yet again.
This cannot kill me for I’ve said goodbye almost daily for the last seven years. The only thing that makes it hurt a little more today is that… today I truly feel like it’s the last time. If it is and everything brought us here… I guess everything’s ready for me to stop holding on… Continue reading
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Necesito una guarda para mi corazón
“Necesito una guarda para mi corazón, que lo proteja de hacerse polvo otra vez…” Y con la duda, la tristeza de todo lo que sigue pasando y cómo lo está haciendo, y el temor de mañana y los días siguientes. No le desearía a nadie conocer lo que es que alguien venga de tanto en… Continue reading
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Faith at 29
How much can I believe You won’t do, because of the circumstances? How much could I ever take credit for, bending the world my way? No, indeed You still move; You brought the goods home, You sighed in relief when the friend finally listened and prayed… and You put a vision from the past right… Continue reading
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Happy birthday
Can this be only about You? Happy birthday, 2507. SFTS. Nina. Yanina. As much as I now may like the day I used to dread, I no longer care for celebrating my own self. Maybe this is about You, how You love Your own. This one and forever… about You and no one else. This… Continue reading
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Is it vanity?
What do I wear tomorrow? I try to fix my hair every day. I don’t really like the state of my skin, and ‘what would happen if I had asked to change my nose’ is a question I entertain almost daily. None of these things would inspire him to bring me flowers. Showering every day… Continue reading
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I don’t want to be who I used to be, please let me leave her behind forever.
Sometimes I wonder if the places I see behind the screen are even real… Today I realized there’s something inside me that mourns for what-could’ve-beens, like when my dad could’ve chosen to be a good man, but didn’t. I imagine this amazing person who could’ve taken the world by storm. Like if one of my… Continue reading
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Hoping for a future, battling despair…
How I wish I could be free. How I hope… You saw I cry because anger is all I have and I can’t have that. Anger would have me run away, and I would. I do, even when there’s no place to run to. I get angry and stay silent, wondering what is it I… Continue reading
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awake
How is it that the sound of storm has become my favorite? It’s like waking up from deep slumber. It is true one thing’s not finite; How You loved my heart like thunder. -SFTS Continue reading
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Still here
One of the sweetest things I’ve gotten to hear said to me, has been this. “Still here, not going anywhere.” I had thought, growing up, that just because I had come into this earth knowing the expiration date for my family as I had come to know them, suspecting dad’s leaving since before I was… Continue reading
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Everything all at once
You’ll have to teach me how to live with my eyes finding zeroes all around… how to co-exist with this devastating failure. With everything, but nothing all at once… zeroes all around. More than three days have gone by since my heart uttered these words. Gazing into MY love, do you care for those? I… Continue reading
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