poem
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Old paintings
“Before the painting, I said I would’ve followed my heart to the ends of the earth; But now I think it is You the one I’d follow even beyond the ends of the world… Maybe I’ll have to go deeper into the water, once more.” Read “Old paintings” now live on my blog “🏹Latest Blogpost”… Continue reading
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Making sense of my own heart… yet again.
This cannot kill me for I’ve said goodbye almost daily for the last seven years. The only thing that makes it hurt a little more today is that… today I truly feel like it’s the last time. If it is and everything brought us here… I guess everything’s ready for me to stop holding on Continue reading
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Oh, please, please,
for once, let it be real: That when I feel worse than dust but I find calmness drawing in my sketchbook with pastels just the way You make me feel, I don’t seem to myself (fearing I would to others, too) like a child that got stuck in time but a fully grown woman that’s Continue reading
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Ever felt like you’re drowning?
Remember, remember, remember. After the blow I always turn to anger or numbness… my spirit can understand; the problem is always trying to quiet my heart,and beat back the fire before my soul turns to ash. It’s milder now, and still, I always ask why. I keep on asking why after all this time. I Continue reading
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Faith at 29
How much can I believe You won’t do, because of the circumstances? How much could I ever take credit for, bending the world my way? No, indeed You still move; You brought the goods home, You sighed in relief when the friend finally listened and prayed… and You put a vision from the past right Continue reading
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Happy birthday
Can this be only about You? Happy birthday, 2507. SFTS. Nina. Yanina. As much as I now may like the day I used to dread, I no longer care for celebrating my own self. Maybe this is about You, how You love Your own. This one and forever… about You and no one else. This Continue reading
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Summer
Life can be good again. It can take fifteen years and eleven months with a week, but I promise; Life can be good again. The nights full of terror and confusion, hurt and despair can seem endless; that feeling that wakes you up nauseous and disoriented with only your fears and the loneliness to play Continue reading
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I don’t want to be who I used to be, please let me leave her behind forever.
Sometimes I wonder if the places I see behind the screen are even real… Today I realized there’s something inside me that mourns for what-could’ve-beens, like when my dad could’ve chosen to be a good man, but didn’t. I imagine this amazing person who could’ve taken the world by storm. Like if one of my Continue reading
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Unexpected
One thing I’m taking out of the first half of the year: I don’t love you anymore. For all the pages I wrote in longing, eight years turned to nothing. I believe I cared deeply. I did, so much so that I wouldn’t want to care that way for anyone ever again. Never. I also Continue reading
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Hoping for a future, battling despair…
How I wish I could be free. How I hope… You saw I cry because anger is all I have and I can’t have that. Anger would have me run away, and I would. I do, even when there’s no place to run to. I get angry and stay silent, wondering what is it I Continue reading
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