love
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Summer
Life can be good again. It can take fifteen years and eleven months with a week, but I promise; Life can be good again. The nights full of terror and confusion, hurt and despair can seem endless; that feeling that wakes you up nauseous and disoriented with only your fears and the loneliness to play Continue reading
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I don’t want to be who I used to be, please let me leave her behind forever.
Sometimes I wonder if the places I see behind the screen are even real… Today I realized there’s something inside me that mourns for what-could’ve-beens, like when my dad could’ve chosen to be a good man, but didn’t. I imagine this amazing person who could’ve taken the world by storm. Like if one of my Continue reading
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Unexpected
One thing I’m taking out of the first half of the year: I don’t love you anymore. For all the pages I wrote in longing, eight years turned to nothing. I believe I cared deeply. I did, so much so that I wouldn’t want to care that way for anyone ever again. Never. I also Continue reading
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awake
How is it that the sound of storm has become my favorite? It’s like waking up from deep slumber. It is true one thing’s not finite; How You loved my heart like thunder. -SFTS Continue reading
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About the oil, the singing, and deliverance.
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.“ “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.“ Psalm 32:7-8 It is like a dialogue. I think I understand something now: We can’t go around saying and doing Continue reading
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Still here
One of the sweetest things I’ve gotten to hear said to me, has been this. “Still here, not going anywhere.” I had thought, growing up, that just because I had come into this earth knowing the expiration date for my family as I had come to know them, suspecting dad’s leaving since before I was Continue reading
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Everything all at once
You’ll have to teach me how to live with my eyes finding zeroes all around… how to co-exist with this devastating failure. With everything, but nothing all at once… zeroes all around. More than three days have gone by since my heart uttered these words. Gazing into MY love, do you care for those? I Continue reading
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I guess this is steadier
I love You because You first loved me. With Your helping hand I’m staying as long as I live, if You’ll have me every day. Everything else is over and done and You’re still here; You’re the One in the room I’d look for, You’re the One I choose. There’s nothing but You, no one Continue reading
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I’d sit and wait…
I still watch the stars. Even more so than before. Today I found the very bright one from other years and remembered everything it meant then; Your thoughts upon me. Your attention over me. Your eyes on mine when I couldn’t even see. Everything around me today feels like my eyes did gazing at that Continue reading
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Tenderness
I’ve never been soft. Quite the opposite, it has been a rough, sharp, anything but sweet land the one God has had to work under my name. So much so, that I can’t even stand the sound of it, my first name. It still awakens a heap of broken memories; the boiling waters that hardened Continue reading
