God
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Faith at 29

How much can I believe You won’t do, because of the circumstances? How much could I ever take credit for, bending the world my way? No, indeed You still move; You brought the goods home, You sighed in relief when the friend finally listened and prayed… and You put a vision from the past right Continue reading
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Happy birthday

Can this be only about You? Happy birthday, 2507. SFTS. Nina. Yanina. As much as I now may like the day I used to dread, I no longer care for celebrating my own self. Maybe this is about You, how You love Your own. This one and forever… about You and no one else. This Continue reading
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I don’t want to be who I used to be, please let me leave her behind forever.

Sometimes I wonder if the places I see behind the screen are even real… Today I realized there’s something inside me that mourns for what-could’ve-beens, like when my dad could’ve chosen to be a good man, but didn’t. I imagine this amazing person who could’ve taken the world by storm. Like if one of my Continue reading
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Unexpected

One thing I’m taking out of the first half of the year: I don’t love you anymore. For all the pages I wrote in longing, eight years turned to nothing. I believe I cared deeply. I did, so much so that I wouldn’t want to care that way for anyone ever again. Never. I also Continue reading
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From darkness all the way home, part 4

My Sweet Summer’s Hope It’s been more than four years.No, I’m not the same anymore. It’s been more than ten years…No, I’m not the one from before.Things were lost, I saw the dust…until in came my Sweet Summer’s Hope, many were the nights where I begged someone to stay, many the days when I couldn’t Continue reading
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Hoping for a future, battling despair…

How I wish I could be free. How I hope… You saw I cry because anger is all I have and I can’t have that. Anger would have me run away, and I would. I do, even when there’s no place to run to. I get angry and stay silent, wondering what is it I Continue reading
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awake

How is it that the sound of storm has become my favorite? It’s like waking up from deep slumber. It is true one thing’s not finite; How You loved my heart like thunder. -SFTS Continue reading
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About the oil, the singing, and deliverance.

“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.“ “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.“ Psalm 32:7-8 It is like a dialogue. I think I understand something now: We can’t go around saying and doing Continue reading
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Everything all at once

You’ll have to teach me how to live with my eyes finding zeroes all around… how to co-exist with this devastating failure. With everything, but nothing all at once… zeroes all around. More than three days have gone by since my heart uttered these words. Gazing into MY love, do you care for those? I Continue reading
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I guess this is steadier

I love You because You first loved me. With Your helping hand I’m staying as long as I live, if You’ll have me every day. Everything else is over and done and You’re still here; You’re the One in the room I’d look for, You’re the One I choose. There’s nothing but You, no one Continue reading
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