House on a hill
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10
It must be ten years today or tomorrow. I can’t remember if you enrolled later, which would mean not until next week. I do remember it happened on a Monday. I felt sleepy, how tiresome was that first lecture of the week, even though the professor had a somewhat funny manner. A calm way of… Continue reading
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Oh, please, please,
for once, let it be real: That when I feel worse than dust but I find calmness drawing in my sketchbook with pastels just the way You make me feel, I don’t seem to myself (fearing I would to others, too) like a child that got stuck in time but a fully grown woman that’s… Continue reading
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Ever felt like you’re drowning?
Remember, remember, remember. After the blow I always turn to anger or numbness… my spirit can understand; the problem is always trying to quiet my heart,and beat back the fire before my soul turns to ash. It’s milder now, and still, I always ask why. I keep on asking why after all this time. I… Continue reading
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Not again…
…please. Ever wondered how the main character looks when the villain strikes again? Picture a young woman, whose brown eyes and hair shine reddish when the sun hits her a certain way, a deep auburn perfect for the fall. But not her fall. She just lost the love of her life, or almost… and is… Continue reading
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Faith at 29
How much can I believe You won’t do, because of the circumstances? How much could I ever take credit for, bending the world my way? No, indeed You still move; You brought the goods home, You sighed in relief when the friend finally listened and prayed… and You put a vision from the past right… Continue reading
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Happy birthday
Can this be only about You? Happy birthday, 2507. SFTS. Nina. Yanina. As much as I now may like the day I used to dread, I no longer care for celebrating my own self. Maybe this is about You, how You love Your own. This one and forever… about You and no one else. This… Continue reading
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Summer
Life can be good again. It can take fifteen years and eleven months with a week, but I promise; Life can be good again. The nights full of terror and confusion, hurt and despair can seem endless; that feeling that wakes you up nauseous and disoriented with only your fears and the loneliness to play… Continue reading
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Is it vanity?
What do I wear tomorrow? I try to fix my hair every day. I don’t really like the state of my skin, and ‘what would happen if I had asked to change my nose’ is a question I entertain almost daily. None of these things would inspire him to bring me flowers. Showering every day… Continue reading
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I don’t want to be who I used to be, please let me leave her behind forever.
Sometimes I wonder if the places I see behind the screen are even real… Today I realized there’s something inside me that mourns for what-could’ve-beens, like when my dad could’ve chosen to be a good man, but didn’t. I imagine this amazing person who could’ve taken the world by storm. Like if one of my… Continue reading
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Unexpected
One thing I’m taking out of the first half of the year: I don’t love you anymore. For all the pages I wrote in longing, eight years turned to nothing. I believe I cared deeply. I did, so much so that I wouldn’t want to care that way for anyone ever again. Never. I also… Continue reading
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