How I wish You’ve seen my heart falling on it’s knees before Your feet, after all these years.
Back then I couldn’t pick the reason why my heart felt so full and happy, I couldn’t quite understand it.
I fought not to let it go and then… all I wanted to do was forget all about it; burn the trees, trash the never-coming gifts, run for my life far away from the idea of the clauses and their fallen kingdom of pain, I began treating the whole enterprise as garbage and even ran away once or twice when we had family still, years after, I was grateful when my body started rejecting food, even, I had now a good reason to forget all about it and grieve.
I’ve grieved every christmas before and after the wreckage until all of them turned to dust under your hands.
You let me grieve.
You let me grieve freely.
And I did.
I’ve spent a whole life grieving.
Today I understood it. I just loved it because here at home mom always took out some CD’s that talked mightily about You. I’ve loved You since them and whenever the festivity turned away from You I just grieved like I would, missing You.
Everything hurts without You.
But what a divine night it was indeed, the night You came; whether on a late summer, early autumn or starting winter You did it.
I fall on my knees today out of pure love, an utterly and irrevocably beating and ever growing one.
I loved You then, I think now, by the signs.
I love You today, still.
Please let me be by Your side forever, will You tell me You’ll forever be here?
Yes, I’ll lean into Your joy, the one You just told me will be steadfast and true.
Christ is the Lord, today, yes, but forever also,
You are my Lord,
I fall on my knees, I sing with Your kids and as the song says angels did, as they still do,
Today lights are gone as are gifts, and it has been like this for years, no tree, no fancy dinners, but You’ve been here for lives now…
I want it this way forever;
You here.
A divine life wherever my King Emmanuel is.
I love You still.
-SFTS
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