One thing I’m taking out of the first half of the year:
I don’t love you anymore.
For all the pages I wrote in longing, eight years turned to nothing.
I believe I cared deeply. I did, so much so that I wouldn’t want to care that way for anyone ever again. Never.
I also think there’s something different about my heart now, but I can’t quite figure it out. Things you do I find ugly and ugly every memory we have. Things they did… how you followed them suit, I hate. How I truly believe you’re meant for each other, the lot of you, and I’m now grateful for having been kept away; all of it was delusion, you don’t know love and only love can fix things, my flaws, but also yours. And theirs, sky high. Had things turned out the way I wanted I would’ve wasted my life and every breath… I can see you clearly now, laughing there with them, agreeing to their view of me and things, and me, only wanting not to be less, not to be better, but to belong. I hate the idea now, (of belonging there or anywhere near you) you enjoy them for I won’t. Today I finally understood: the fool one was my heart and I’m glad.
I do see it all now, no more delusion. I may be highly flawed, unworthy to you, but I’m loved either way and cared for today. I’m not letting you go, not this time. I’m wishing you to be forever erased.
I need love like air to breathe and.. He came down to save me,
now I woke up. Want to drown? Go ahead. You’re filled and happy? I see. Take me with you? Never again.
Yes, I woke up. True love woke me up.
I don’t love you anymore.
-SFTS
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