After all this time…
-SFTS, 2022
I sometimes feel hanging by a thread; still holding on for dear life.
It’s on days like these, where every speck of improvement suddenly feels smaller than before and I’m left wondering if it’s all coming back or if I even escaped at all, when I fear that nothing’s happening… it seems to be so.
I can’t be afraid. Not anymore.
And I most certainly cannot doubt You, because I trust You.
And I love You.
I love You God, YHWH… Christ You are my life and Your Holy Spirit is my very breath; the One I need to live.
Please don’t be long, oh, if I may ask, hurry and don’t leave me here… I need You.
You are, You are, You are.
It’s been a year. Almost, but recently I noticed:
I can see someone smiling.
I see Him smiling through the layers of reality.
I was sure He was angry; I thought He would be due to the kind of daughter I have been. Still, there I see Him as if uncovered by many translucent veils, bathed in sunlight and right there… a smile.
Could it be?
Is this real?
I dread who I’ve been more than ever for I cannot deem myself worthy, not even a hair, but there He is, and His smile doesn’t fade even when I walk through the veils to see Him clearly.
Completely unworthy is my name, you know? But this is about Him.
He loves me.
He loves me enough to let me gaze upon His beautiful face.
I had never in my life seen anyone smile at me like that; as if somehow He cherished me as small as I am, as weak…
Still, there He is, and suddenly I see… He has been like this my whole life.
And in His hands… we have forever, Him and I.
He is, He is, He is.
-SFTS
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